


All Work/No Play

by Crave



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-11
Updated: 2013-08-11
Packaged: 2017-12-23 03:47:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/921633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crave/pseuds/Crave
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Short fic in response to Mercurial Malcontent's idea on tumblr for Sollux as a bipolar helmsman showing symptoms.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All Work/No Play

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mercurialMalcontent](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mercurialMalcontent/gifts).



 

> **[mercurialmalcontent](http://mercurialmalcontent.tumblr.com/) **
> 
>  
> 
> Here’s a thing I’m suddenly wondering — in the fic with Sollux and him being a helmsman or even otherwise given an important job, how many of them take into account that he has bipolar disorder, AND the concerns and problems the illness would cause,  _without_  handwaving it away?
> 
>  
> 
> I know the portrayal of Sollux’s bipolar disorder in the comic is painted in too-broad strokes and is bordering on being just a dumb joke, but it’s also not totally unreasonable, and I’d really like to see fic deal with in a… mm, if not totally realistically, at least an understanding and knowledgeable way.
> 
>  
> 
> [#sollux captor](http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/sollux-captor) [#bipolar disorder](http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/bipolar-disorder) [#it'd be cool to get some bipolar representation going](http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/it%27d-be-cool-to-get-some-bipolar-representation-going) [#so far the only thing I know of that deals with it and deals with it well](http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/so-far-the-only-thing-I-know-of-that-deals-with-it-and-deals-with-it-well) [#is Brainbent](http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/is-Brainbent)
> 
>  

You can feel the stars. Cold and hot all at once. Like stepping into a ablution trap and shivering under the hot water. Like that. You kick the engines up another notch - feeling the stars elongate and disappear behind you. You are burning up. You can feel the engines overheating and you dampen the signals a little.

You can't feel your feet. Could you ever? Another notch. You can feel the way your goggles press against your nose as you lean forward through the sopor, angling the ship down with you. Disappearing beneath another ship. You're not meant to do that, probably. Whatever.

The sopor in your pod is thickening around you with the heat. You can see your destination blinking and flickering.  You start engaging weapons systems and now you have to play pretend moirails with them too, trying to get them to deploy despite their agitated blips and grumblings.

You've got this, though. You push until they initialise and you push some more until they deploy. You issue an evacuation order - though sensible crew members should be out of there anyway. There are a few small fires. You re-route the air conditioning.

The sopor is thicker and hotter than before. Not lethal levels though so who cares? The engines are even angrier now but you can see your targets bursting into pretty lights. You can't see anything else interesting. Maybe there are some further out? But the engines are saying something about safety protocols.

 _Shut up_ , you tell them. And, _come on you bastards let me work._

There's a click. A soft hissing sound, and something is falling and you're not sure if it's you or if it's the ship.

"What the fuck?!" someone is saying.

 _Let me work_ , you think. Harder now, wondering why nothing is happening.

"Let me work," you say.

And someone says "Out of the way!"

And someone says "Fuck no. He's our only way out of here. Unless you want me to plug you in instead?"

And someone says. "WILL YOU BULGELICKING FUCKNOOKS MOVE OUT OF MY WAY BEFORE I GARROTTE YOU WITH YOUR OWN INTESTINES?!"

_Karkat?_

"SOMEONE GET ME AN ICE PACK AND NO LESS THAN THREE LITRES OF WATER AND SOME F U C K I N G  L I T H I U M BEFORE I HAVE TO PULL THEIR SEEDFLAP OUT THROUGH THEIR GANDER BULBS!" Karkat is saying. There's a pause, and then a new voice starts speaking.

"I'm so sorry Karkat, I thought-"

"YOU THINK I FUCKING CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU THOUGHT?! WHAT DID YOU TELL ME? THAT IT WASN'T COVERED IN THE BUDGET? WAS THIS COVERED? WAS THIS FUCKING COVERED?"

" I thought-"

"YOU THOUGHT BECAUSE THEY LET YOU OUT OF TRAINING SCHOOL THAT YOU KNEW HOW TO HANDLE A HELMSMAN? YOU THOUGHT THAT YOUR WINDHOLE-BREATHING SUPERVISOR WITH AN UNSHEATHED BULGE FOR BOONDOLLAR SCROUNGING KNEW SOLLUX'S MEDS? SOMEONE IS GETTING CULLED FOR THIS AND MY BOONBUCKS ARE ON YOU."

"They can't-"

"DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY CAPTAINS THIS SHIP HAS BEEN THROUGH? HUNDREDS? THOUSANDS? CAPTAINS ARE CHEAP. YOU KNOW HOW MANY HELMSMEN THIS SHIP'S HAD? TWO. TWO. AND THE LAST ONE DIED ON A MISSION. THEY WON'T THINK TWICE."

"I got the water and the ice but the lithium isn't-" someone else is saying. Their voice shakes a little.

"ANYONE HERE TAKE ANY PSYCH MEDICATION?" Karkat says.

Silence.

"CAN SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO LIVE GET ME SOME MOOD FUCKING STABILISERS?" and there's a shuffling and murmuring.

"MAYBE THEY COULD GET THEM NOW," Karkat continues, "WHILE I'M BUSY RE-REFRIGERATING OUR HELMSMAN? AND MAYBE EVERYBODY ELSE COULD ACTUALLY GET ON WITH THEIR EMERGENCY PROTOCOLS SO WE'VE GOT A SHIP TO PLUG HIM BACK INTO WHEN I'M DONE?"

Silence, then a lot of scurrying feet. Someone takes off your goggles and you can see Karkat's face glaring at you. He starts unzipping your suit and pouring some of the water over your skin. Then he half-drags half supports you so that you're under the cooling duct. You feel the water cooling on your skin. He clicks the ice pack a few times to get the crystals activated and then presses it against your head.

"Put me back," you say.

"HA. HA. NO. You wrecked the ship once already."

"Didn't wreck it."

"What, exactly, does total engine failure mean to you?"

"Put me back. I can do it. I can get more of them."

"Drink this first," he says, and he holds what's left of the water to your mouth. You drink.

Footsteps. A young blueblood is sweating into his uniform.

"TOOK YOUR FUCKING TIME," Karkat says, taking snatching the foil packets out of the guy's hands and turning back to you. 

"I'm sorry! I-"

"GET THE FUCK OUT!" Karkat says over his shoulder, already forcing you to swallow slightly over your standard dose.

The blueblood leaves and Karkat watches you carefully.

"Are you gonna start fucking shit up again if I go get you some clothes?" Karkat says.

"No," you say. And he nods.

As soon as he's gone you start trying to get to your feet but heat exhaustion and space atrophy mean that you end up dragging yourself back to your pod. You're just opening the door when you hear the whoosh of the doors and Karkat is growling at you.

"ARE YOU BLIND SOLLUX? ARE YOU FUCKING DEAF? DID I NOT TEN SECONDS AGO TELL YOU TO STAY PUT? FUCKING SHIT UP INCLUDES YOUR SELF YOU NOOKWAD AND I AM NOT FUCKING AROUND HERE."

You try to move and he's got a hand on your shoulder.

"SIT DOWN. I WILL SAY THIS ONCE AND YOU WILL STAY WHERE I PUT YOU OR SO HELP ME GOD!"

"Tho help you what? What're you gonna do to me, huh?", you say. And you do not see it coming when he clasps one clawed hand around your throat and breathes into your face. He moves too fast for you to track it. You're not breathing.

"I'd leave," he purrs. And you can feel your spine tingle. You are aware, though you weren't before, that you are half naked and covered in water. And crying. Huh. He lets go and you sit back, coughing and crying.

"Asshole," you rasp. He gets up, presses the intercom button on the door. A bronzeblood and a greenblood come in. They're frowning at you.

"Get this sack of shit to the infirmary," he says. And walks out. 

The greenblood grabs your left arm. The bronze has your right and together they lead you into the infirmary. You feel almost numb now. The suit makes squelching noises as you try to walk and people are passing this pity parade with lowered eyes and flushed cheeks.

You don't care. You don't. Maybe you'd stop caring if you could just stop crying for five seconds. No such luck. If they plugged you back in you'd be okay. Really. Karkat is just being a wriggler. You checked core temperature, you were fine. You're only like this now because they pulled you out instead of doing the standard removal procedure.

But this isn't the time. You can wait until they leave and then sneak back in. No one will even notice. You think this until you get to the infirmary and someone straps you down. They dose you with something else that makes your head feel fuzzy and bright. It's kind of like being back behind the helm but slightly more nauseous.

When you wake up again you're really heavily doped. You feel numb. All your limbs are slow and you're still tied to the table but you can turn your head. Your face is wet and you realise you've been crying in your sleep.

Karkat isn't there. Not that you'd want him to be. You can handle this. Not that there's even a lot to handle: lie still. That's pretty much your only task for now and they've made it so much easier by strapping you in like this. Easy.

You tend to get a reprieve between the mania and the... opposite. And eventually you're safe to let out - though not safe enough for them to plug you back in. And they lower your dosage until you can move and think again.

You leave it a couple of days before you try to find Karkat. First out of pride, and then because you're scared. But you go.

"Hey," you say. Karkat looks at you for a while without speaking.

"Hello," he says.

"I'm thorry. I didn't mean to throw thuch a mathive pity party," you say.

"I didn't pity you," he says.

"Okay," you say. And you raise both hands with a small smile.

"Pity means you're trying to make them less of a pitiable nookstain on trollkind's already filthy undergarments. I didn't feel pity, Sollux, I felt sick."

"Right," you whisper.

"But I'm over it," he says.

You nod, trying to control your breathing.

"Right," you say again.

"OH MY GOD STOP LEAKING ALL THAT SHAME FLUID YOU USELESS PILE OF SHIT."

"Fuck you I'm trying," you say.

"TRY HARDER YOU TUNNEL-GUZZLER SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO BREATHE IN YOUR VICINITY."


End file.
